That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Send help, water and tortillas.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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