dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
