He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize