I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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