Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
