My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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