please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
