I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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