my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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