just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
