My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
