You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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