Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
