I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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