Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
