so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
