Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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