Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
