She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
