Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
