three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
