Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
