In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
