Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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