It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it glows. i had to have it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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