I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
