He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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