Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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