this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
