I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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