He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
