is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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