it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize