i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
