I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize