4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In America we eat man semen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
