I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
