I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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