im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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