My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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