Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
