I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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