just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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