He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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