I wish I could teleport
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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