why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
