At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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