i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
