I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
