drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
