don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
