They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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