Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
