his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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