you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
