Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
