I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize