when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
