i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
