just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
