my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
