i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
