She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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